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$38.76 an hour. That’s how much we need to be paid every hour to afford living in Honolulu according to the released a few weeks ago.

I didn’t ask for this outrageous burden when I was born here and didn’t expect this exorbitant cost of living to reduce the quality of my child’s life. I’m hard working, smart, and contribute to the well being of society.

I graduated from college, reconnected with cultural values, family and worked hard to resolve the traumas of childhood and adolescent sexual violence.

My mother is Hawaiian, she’s a retired social worker, runs an educational nonprofit, and an annual community cultural event. My father is a retired Mexican-American U.S. Army veteran from the Special Forces.

We sacrificed family connections, cultural values, our mental health and well being, and our physical safety for decades in the military. We’re still living with the mental, emotional, and relational consequences of “serving our country.”

Was the financial gain worth the sacrifice? Depends on the day.

We also took care of my Tutu until she passed at 84 years old and I now stress about the future expectation of becoming a caregiver for my parents as they age. How can I possibly afford to be a caregiver for my kupuna and my children at the same time? Especially when I would need to work 153 hours a week to afford a 2-bedroom rental home at $10.10 minimum wage.

There are only 168 hours in a week to begin with. When would I be able to mother my children or care for my elders if I have to work 3.8 full-time jobs at minimum wage to afford rent in a 2-bedroom without paying more than 30% of my income on rent and utilities?

That leaves me 15 hours for sleeping, food shopping, cooking, cleaning, and eating. Am I allowed to have rest, relaxation, or life and relationships outside of care-giving?

Diverse Lives Not Considered

This outrageous number doesn’t even factor in the cost of child care (for one child), which often costs the same amount of one month’s worth of rent or mortgage. It also doesn’t account for the diverse lives across Hawaii.

For example, years ago while actually working three jobs I was a maid for a private company. We were paid $8 for every house we cleaned and after doing the math one day I realized we were being paid about $4 an hour before taxes.

That business model is possible right here in Honolulu because those women were immigrants, barely spoke English, and we needed the money. Years later, after “moving up” to $13 an hour providing substance abuse counseling for adjudicated youth, I heard stories of parents in jail or on the streets struggling with addiction. They themselves had been sex trafficked, attempted suicide, had been homeless and abused, or addicted to meth before finishing middle school.

Sure, I could have gone to penthouse parties and had sex with men for money. But how would I stay sober through those experiences after all the work I’d done to overcome my addictions? I could have responded to ads that let strangers take pictures of my feet for hundreds of dollars. But would I come home to my family alive and well?

I could have worked at a hostess bar, a strip club, gambling house, or massage parlor to pay bills. I’ve had lots of friends and relatives involved in “the life” over the years and they certainly made more money than I ever did.

The reality is, I still can’t make ends meet.

It’s not like I wasn’t offered gigs, recruited, or almost abducted. Instead I cleaned random houses, kitchens, and businesses for fast cash, with no health insurance, and while working multiple jobs because I couldn’t make ends meet.

The reality is, I still can’t make ends meet. I’ve moved back in with family, went back to school, continue to work against the reality of trauma-induced mental health challenges, and am now looking at an unprecedented COVID-19 economy.

But I’m just one person with one story, and despite my past I consider myself one of the lucky ones. If any part of this story sounds like an alternate universe to you, then you’re definitely one of the lucky ones.

While this report paints a shocking picture of reality, I’m still fighting to stay above said reality and I’m concerned about those among us actually stuck living that reality at this moment or worse.

As ridiculous as $38.76 an hour is, what’s more painful is the social inequity it represents and the terrible ways in which decent people’s daily lives are actually being affected by it.