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In 1902, my dad and his parents, along with hundreds of others, arrived at Honolulu as immigrants from Japan. He was 6 years old.

They settled on a sugar plantation camp at Ke’alia on the east side of Kaua’i. He and his friends would often hike up Ke’alia Valley to play. As they passed by the home of a Native Hawaiian family, family members would call out “pa’ina” and invite them to eat and visit. Usually the meal was dried fish and sour poi, which they ate by dipping their fingers in a common large calabash. Without hesitation, their hosts welcomed dad and his friends to partake in this simple meal.

Dad cherished the experience and repeated the story countless times. Only much later did I realize he was teaching me about generosity and friendship; a profound lesson of aloha.

Today, “aloha” may be the most often used and perhaps overused and misused Hawaiian word. What does “aloha” really mean? Does the ideal of aloha still exist today?

Where’s The Aloha?

Remember when we did not lock our house doors, when we knew all of our neighbors and greeted them with a smile and helped each other without being asked, when we gladly shared whatever we had — mango, lychee, avocado, plumeria, fish we caught, freshly cooked beef stew, when we walked to school, the park, the store or our friend’s houses without worries, when we did not fight for the next wave or parking stall, when road rage was not even in our vocabulary?

Yes, there was the occasional “stink eye” and “lolo” response, but we usually let it go and forgot about it.

Hawaii’s recent history is a story of the huge influx of immigrants, initially recruited in 1852 to work on the growing sugar plantations, as there simply were not enough Native Hawaiians to fill the need for plantation laborers. Immigrants brought with them their culture, language, customs, traditions and values, much of which was shared with others; a mixture and melding of the diverse groups with the host culture brought about an understanding and acceptance of each other, eventually overcoming the differences and hurdles along the way. The island way was natural; we simply went along and got along.

Nowadays it’s different. We seem to be losing our aloha or, at least, its real meaning. Some clearly protect their self interests, others are simply fearful of changes. Often disagreements are caused by misunderstanding, unwillingness to listen and learn, ignorance and emotion instead of reason. Greed and even a tyranny of righteousness take over. Civil discourse has been replaced by discord, dissonance instead of dialogue.

People’s anger and belligerent response to controversial community issues such as the Super Ferry, Thirty Meter Telescope, GMO crops, water rights, housing the homeless, high-rise buildings, rail and traffic congestion, decisions by others that they don’t like and over-reaction to simple slights have caused me to ask, “where is the aloha?” Has it gone the way of the common mango, not so common anymore?

Lacking any sense of fairness or an understanding of the island way, some recent arrivals buy homes here and, once they have their piece of paradise, they become false gatekeepers, opposing any changes that could disturb their new-found way of life, often to the detriment of those that have lived in their communities for generations. Once in, they draw up the bridge and shut the door. ‘Auwe.

We are blessed to live in Hawai’i, but somehow we don’t take care of our beautiful land and precious natural resources. We waste, we dump, we pollute, we don’t see and we don’t care. This is the paradox of paradise.

Hawai’i is the Aloha State. Aloha is defined in state statutes. Aloha is used in hundreds of company names and promotions. We have aloha this and aloha that. We say aloha, write aloha, sing aloha, dance aloha, sell aloha.

Are we truly showing our aloha? Sometimes aloha seems like furikake, only sprinkled on top.

Living Aloha

Today, aloha is commonly used to say hello and goodbye and to express love or affection. We say “aloha kakou” when we address a group, we refer to our care for the land as “aloha ‘aina,” we describe someone who does something especially generous as having plenty of aloha, we flash the shaka sign and think “aloha brah” to the guy who let us merge into traffic, we ask “where’s the aloha?” to an overly harsh and mean-spirited act.

Remember the ubiquitous “Live Aloha” bumper sticker? It was the result of a grass-roots movement started in 1995. According to Robbie Alm, one of the movement’s founders, “A group of us thought people ought to take more personal responsibility for making Hawai’i a better place, agreeing to do certain things themselves with less reliance on government or outsiders. They decided to publicly promote ‘living aloha’ by doing simple acts of courtesy and caring to help make Hawai’i a better place and to express that thought on a simple two-word bumper sticker, ‘Live Aloha.’ Sometimes the smallest things makes the biggest difference. Each of us can improve our community by our individual and collective actions. Each of us has that responsibility. If we act with courtesy and caring, the Hawai’i we value will be strengthened.”

For me, aloha is gratefully accepting the generosity and kindness of others and gracefully sharing ourselves and what we have. Aloha is living in harmony with others and our natural environment. Aloha is doing the selfless, right thing for the common good. Aloha is fulfilling our kuleana to malama honua.

Living aloha is living every moment fully, with integrity and without regret. It is embracing everything that brings peace and harmony and letting go of everything that does not. Simply put, it is being a friend. Aloha is personal and universal, it starts with each of us and reaches out beyond our own calabash.

While culture and traditions do change and often core cultural values are lost, we must keep and live our aloha. It is what makes Hawai`i so very special.