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Dear David:

It’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I didn’t want you to think I only write to Larry��(and no, he hasn’t called yet). So I thought I would catch you up on the latest — and make you an offer I hope you can’t refuse.
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I guess you’ve seen the news, that Larry now .�� We’re actually pretty excited about this new purchase over here on Lanai, since improved service to our high-end visitors just might trickle down to those of us regular folks who live here.�� Lots of invasive weeds (like kiawe) have been cleared, buildings are getting painted, and we are looking pretty spiffy! You would be proud.

But what I really want to talk to you about is your Wind Farm.�� We (and the Press) have tried really, really hard to find out just exactly what it is you kept when you sold us off to Larry, but we keep getting rejected.

We’ve tried asking the Public Utilities Commission (PUC), we’ve tried asking the monopoly utility (HECO), we’ve tried asking the Office of Information Practices (OIP), we’ve tried asking the Governor (Neil), and we’ve tried asking your successor-in-interest (Larry), but no one will talk with us.�� They keep telling us the corporations’ secrets are far more important than the public’s interest.

This makes all of us over here on Lanai feel really badly, since we know that you thought the “rights” to take a quarter of our island to build hundreds of giant concrete-based turbines to feed O`ahu were really worth something.�� But I guess Larry just didn’t see it that way, so he traded you … whatever.

Now, I know you understand that “trading” is a way of life on Lanai.�� After all, you traded the value of the assets here for a mortgage that I suspect in the end, sadly, came due, forcing you to sell your beloved island. I am sorry this happened, and I want to make it right.

So here’s the deal:�� in exchange for giving me the “rights” to your Wind Farm, I am offering to keep you – for life – in a continuous supply of my famous Chocolate Chip cookies!��

My CC cookies are in heavy demand; I have been making them here for close to 40��years now, just ask anyone.�� People have been begging me for years and years to sell them, but I resist – I prefer to trade them for value. In fact, I have been “traded” (among other things I can’t disclose) a fully dressed and packaged deer, enough meat to keep me and my family fed for a whole year, in exchange for a batch of CC cookies for a special party or luau.��

You might be surprised by those who have enjoyed my cookies: our beloved Mayor Alan Arakawa and his lovely wife Ann feasted on them when they were on Lanai campaigning; Neil and Brian took a bag home with them after an election victory lap here. The Cable Guy, the Fed Ex Guy, the MECO Guys, anyone who has reason to come to my house (and many who do not) are at my door quite often, clamoring for them. You will be in excellent company.

I think this is the PERFECT solution for both of us, really.��You get value for whatever those (undisclosed) “rights” are (and now that Molokai Ranch has decided not to desecrate Molokai, I suspect the value has significantly dropped for you, yes? (I’m sorry) and you won’t have to deal with moving all that dirt around (and keep it from clogging up the reefs, killing the fish!), you won’t have to overhaul Kaumalapau Harbor (what a headache! really a nightmare), and you won’t have to figure out how to avoid all those pesky historic cultural sites littering Ka’a ahupua’a that would have to be bulldozed (what a relief!).

And in exchange, I promise you that I will talk to Larry about taking those “rights” and dropping them into a land trust (maybe a conservation easement?), so that historic Ka’a ahupua’a is preserved in perpetuity for future generations on Lanai, the people of Hawaii nei, and its growing stream of visitors.�� Who, by the way, love to visit Ka’a for its scenic, cultural and historic values. You will be a hero!

And we can look at it this way:��five years of division, strife and contention among families on your once-beloved island, gone!�� Five years of throwing DOE taxpayer money at something that isn’t going to happen, done!�� Five years of embarrassing expenditures by the State and HECO chasing an expensive absurdity, finished!
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So what do you say?��

I’m sure that we can figure out how to deliver all those (Mayans have known this for centuries), to you every week.�� This will be a burden for me, of course, while you would only have to write a few sentences and sign your name. So I do not make this offer lightly.

But you are worth it.�� I want to see you live forever – just as much as I want to see Ka’a ahupua`a preserved forever.

What could be better?�� Let’s keep in touch, we’ll work out the details. Who knows? Maybe we can ask the new Island Air Guy to deliver them to you …

About the author: Sally Kaye, a full time resident of Lanai, is an editor and former prosecutor.

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