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Editor’s Note: This is another installment in our occasional series on bullying in Hawaii schools. Read previous coverage here.

Bullying is not like pornography; you don’t always know it when you see it.

Ditching you on the playground? Stealing your lunch money? Locking you in the bathroom? Texting the freshman class that you’re too skinny?

Defining bullying is an inexact science. But experts say it’s an important part of the effort to address the issue in Hawaii where the state leads the nation in many categories.

“It’s just like defining what depression is,” said Marya Grambs, executive director of , a nonprofit leading the effort to reduce bullying. “If you know what to look for, you can do something about it. But if you don’t know what it is, then you can’t act.”

The state has relied on the Department of Education to define bullying and cyberbullying. The terms have some overlap, but the actions are distinct.

Here’s what they mean under :

“Bullying” means any written, verbal, graphic, or physical act that a student or group of students exhibits toward other particular student(s) and the behavior causes mental or physical harm to the other student(s); and is sufficiently severe, persistent, or pervasive that it creates an intimidating, threatening, or abusive educational environment for the other student(s).

“Cyberbullying” means electronically transmitted acts, i.e., Internet, cell phone, personal digital assistance (PDA), or wireless hand-held device that a student has exhibited toward another student or employee of the department which causes mental or physical harm to the other student(s) or school personnel and is sufficiently severe, persistent or pervasive that it creates an intimidating, threatening, or abusive educational environment.

Another term, sort of a catch-all, that the district has at its disposal is “harassment.” The department’s definition applies to a student who is harassing, bullying, cyberbullying, annoying or alarming another person by engaging in any number of actions ranging from shoving to prank calling.

State lawmakers last year directing the Board of Education to monitor the department for compliance with its bullying rules. Civil Beat tried to find out for six weeks what the district was doing, but hasn’t been able to get answers on what the state is doing to comply with the law.

Grambs said the state definitions are a good start, but holes remain and the law lacks teeth.

For example, she said isolating someone and telling everybody not to talk to them is bullying. This can have devastating effects, she said, adding that girls tend to do this more frequently than boys.

“Teachers up until now haven’t been aware of what bullying was,” she said. “I think they thought it was just harmless play or teasing so they wouldn’t do anything about it.

“But now if they know what it is and also the harmful effect it can have — you know, all kinds of things, sleeplessness, substance abuse, helplessness, depression — then the teachers can feel emboldened about it,” Grambs said. “And then, of course, if there’s a law that says they should do something about it, that’s good too.”

Defining bullying also depends on who you ask.

Long-time educator Tom Jackson, who has helped institute Philosophy for Children programs in Oahu schools, said Waikiki Elementary teachers broach the topic with students by asking them what it means to be a bully.

“If you start to unpack that, it’s really complicated. It’s a monster topic,” he said. “It’s one of the beautiful things about children though. Bullying is not going to be reducible to a definition.”

In one class, he recalled a discussion on why people bully.

“A boy said, ‘Yeah, I bully people and I’ll tell you why I bully: I get power and I’ve got friends,'” Jackson said. He was thrilled the kids felt the environment was safe enough to speak freely.

“The kids were listening to this, and one said to him, ‘Well, I’m afraid of bullies. How do know these people are really your friends and aren’t doing something because they’re afraid of you?'” Jackson said. “For everyone in the circle, this was probably something they’d never had thought about before.

“It was like a lightbulb went off for him,” he said. “There was a certain set of assumptions he’d been operating under and there was a shift.”

Bonnie Tabor, principal, said adults and kids have misconceptions about bullying.

She said asking students at different grade levels if they thought they’d ever been bullied will reveal different levels of understanding. For instance, she said some second-grade students say bullying is when another kid won’t play with someone else, while older students may liken it more to physical abuse.

The teachers try to address bullying on every level, said Tabor, who started as the school’s counselor. She added that there is no top-down approach at Waikiki Elementary where a teacher says definitively this is what bullying is.

“When it comes from their peers, they respond better,” she said. “But it’s not just some program we use; it’s how we live our lives. The goal is creating ethical decision-makers.”

After students, teachers and administrators have a common understanding of what bullying is and isn’t, district officials said it’s possible to take steps toward eliminating it.

Randy Moore, who recently retired as DOE assistant superintendent, said consistency is crucial.

“The adults on campus are really the primary agents of minimizing bullying,” he said. “Activities happen because they’re tolerated. If bullying is simply not tolerated, it will diminish. It needs all the adults on the same page, with a very consistent approach, setting a tone that we don’t do that here.”

The district must create a culture where bullying is simply not an acceptable behavior, Moore said.

“Children know how to behave, and they will behave appropriately if that is the expectation that is very consistently enforced,” he said.

Moore, who taught at Central Middle School before becoming an administrator, shared an example of a student who was acting up in his class and how he handled it.

“It was a boy who was misbehaving, so I asked him, ‘Do you go to church?’ And he says, ‘Yeah.’ And I said, ‘Do you behave like this in church?’ And he gave me this horrified look and said, ‘Oh no, Mister.'” Moore said. “Is there any good reason why you should behave like this in school?”

Mental Health America of Hawaii says bullying comes down to hurting someone on purpose. It can be physical, emotional, psychological, sexual or cyber.

“It’s the power balance,” Grambs said. “The many against one, the strong against the weak, tall against the short, popular or attractive against not, overweight versus skinny, straight versus not.”