How To Be Right, While Dead Wrong
This season of good will got me wondering: Was there ever a time when we debated ideas? Today what we do is choose sides and attack! We have no patience for the details – everything is a chance to argue.
We used to try to convince in good faith; Now the most shocking assertions get all the attention. There is no career to be made with common sense.
To keep passion alive (and reason asleep?) assertions need to be more and more extreme. And since we only listen to those we already agree with, the extreme gulf in partisan views only grows wider.
Who is building a bridge? How can you invite agreement with a combative, angry tone?
Our news and politics is too often reported the same way that celebrity gossip is, repeating the same trivial, school-yard stuff over and over again without un-packing it. Gotcha! So what are we trying to accomplish?
Media, pundits and radio personalities want attention, meaning airtime and money. What is it that YOU want?
In a free society, can either extreme win, then rule their neighbors? So what’s your bottom line? Would you rather make the best put-down or find common ground upon which society – all of us- can move forward together?
Do you want to be “right” or be effective? Merciless – or wise? You can be technically correct, but the person you argue with is telling you something valuable. They are telling you what is Emotionally True to them, what matters most to them. They are telling you exactly what you need to understand, in order to forge a real agreement. Do you care enough about solutions to listen instead of merely preparing your ammunition?
Can we even really hear each other anymore? Yes, you may be “correct” on your facts, but be dead wrong in your attitude, behavior, results. This is a Democracy – not a winner-takes-all demolition derby. Or is it?
We do not need to agree on everything, in order to live agreeably.
But we do need to understand what really motivates people who hold opinions that seem incompatible with our own.
To do that, we need to regard them once again as people. not as stereotypes in a morality play. We need, in a real sense, to ‘love’ our neighbor as we do ourselves; That is: as basically good persons; Persons who deserve to be listened to.
What is missing today? Maybe this season of good will is the perfect time to think about it.
About the Author: Cloudia Charters is a longtime Hawaii resident who worked her way through the University of Hawaii driving a taxi for Charley鈥檚, which became the basis of her novel 鈥淎loha Where You Like Go?鈥 Her daily blog, Comfort Spiral, is at
