Un-Homed But Not Unhinged: Settling In

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It鈥檚 been well over a week now in the new home. I have to say it鈥檚 a good feeling though it鈥檚 come with many ups and downs and has me hibernating quite a bit. Some of the initial emotions were surprising, as well as the challenge to let go of some of the tension that comes with the un-homed life.

The first week was kind of chaotic, both in too many things to do as well as the vibe in the air, including a sudden bit on the news. I have mixed feelings about that as it generalized a great deal of my experience. I said over and over that I didn鈥檛 feel qualified to speak to homelessness on the whole and that I was fortunately spared many of the other trends out there, such as addiction and disabilities. But I am thankful that they put the effort in to represent some of the important thoughts.

Some of the adjustments have been interesting: sometimes challenging, sometimes humorous. The very first morning I woke up in the new place was a revelation. The first waking thought was already planning out the trip down to the Natatorium thinking, 鈥渁t least I鈥檓 closer to it now.鈥 It took a full 5 minutes before I realized I could walk 10 feet to my own shower. It didn鈥檛 bother me that I didn鈥檛 even have a shower curtain yet.

I also started to enjoy the nice walk to work. Although, on the second or third day of walking I noticed a trend in my mind: I fully expected to get home and find my van, my faithful mobile closet for a year, broken into, or worse yet stolen. I realized I was experiencing some kind of separation anxiety for my van. Ironic that after having the bulk of my personal belongings in it for so long, now that it sits empty I was getting worried. So strange.
Fortunately, I think I鈥檓 over that one. But the next strange moment came along in the fifth or sixth day. I realized that in the back of my mind I was checking my time. It was like I was calculating how much time was left until checkout time. It was like a part of me felt that this was temporary, like taking a couple days for my birthday in a cheap Waikiki hotel. I wouldn鈥檛 quite call it an anxiety, but maybe just short of one.

I have made a couple of small forays to the grocery store for some oatmeal and garbage bags and such. I haven鈥檛 bought all that much partly because I鈥檓 in that zone of not knowing what I need, much less want. As I鈥檝e written before it鈥檚 all about rhythms and I鈥檓 not in one just yet.

Unfortunately, all the added excitement, the sorting out of life issues and the stresses of a non-stop schedule has forced me into a break of sorts: I鈥檓 sick now. Yes, after seeing stubborn colds and flus all year with all sorts of patients and not catching any of it, I finally got knocked over the edge. I know it was partly the overwhelm and a certain amount of emotional breakdown that led to it, so there is no surprise there. Now it鈥檚 just time to ride it out and continue the hibernation.

So as I sit here and write this, fevered and coughing, one thing is certain: I am extremely grateful to be sitting on the floor of my own home than have to be hunkered down in the backseat of my van while feeling this way. In the meantime, many thanks to all who wrote kind thoughts in recent weeks. I appreciate it.

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About the Author

  • Joe Bright
    Joe Bright
    Joe Bright is a graduate of Iolani School and went on to study art at The Cooper Union School of Art in New York City, and later Chinese medicine at The American College of Traditional Chinese Medicine in San Francisco. Joe currently runs a small acupuncture clinic, Kama鈥檃ina Acupuncture in Kapahulu as the first dedicated low-cost 鈥渃ommunity acupuncture鈥 clinic in Honolulu. Joe has a varied background that has included working as a bicycle mechanic, freelance artist, teaching calligraphy and Tai Chi, a nanny, and even a CEO of a small entrepreneurial company. He continues to create art, even having work recently appear at the Honolulu Academy of Arts as well the Bishop Museum. He also continues with entrepreneurial projects when possible and serves on the Board of Directors for a local Buddhist meditation organization, Vipassana Hawai鈥檌.
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