Un-Homed But Not Unhinged: Identity Crisis… or Not…

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There is no escaping the various issues of identity that arise when you’re un-homed or homeless. And many of the issues are not really different than “regular” life challenges, just without the support network of a stable home life. However, there is an undeniable bias that one immediately encounters. Sometimes that bias is from external sources, and sometimes it comes from deep within oneself.

The bias itself either raises questions in the mind, or simply magnifies something already thought. I can remember judging people I’d see as “crazy” and already having the subconscious connection that this must be a reason they’re homeless. Of course that was before any of the questions were self directed at my own circumstances.

The questions of identity that arise are generally unsettling at first: who am I now that I’m in this situation? Am I still a reliable person? What can I offer if someone asks for advice and guidance? I think the initial fears are that there are bad answers to these. Later I think I decided that I was ok with having the questions without clear answers. I felt that way because having these questions arise wasn’t the really big challenge; how I dealt with any of them was the stronger indication of how things were going to play out.

I’d say that many of the questions are based presumptions when first entering the homeless status. They come from stereotypes and from not really thinking about things. Some of the typical notions are that homeless are failures, addicts, or simply lazy. Well I certainly can feel the failure part, but not the others. If anything I feel I worked pretty hard, so what I bumped into was recurring sense of despondency. That’s when deep within you ask, “How much longer can this go on?”

All things considered, I am not the typical homeless type. Even though adrift I’ve had things creating momentum in my life that is slowly but surely dragging me forward. In truth there has been much of my life that is not substantially different than if I were homed. I still have a Blackberry phone for goodness sake!

But trying to live your life and come out of these mind states can be a challenge as well. When I was a kid I played some golf, though I didn’t pursue it later on as other interests came along. But several years ago a friend had given me some clubs. I’m not really very good, but it’s fun to goof off with an old friend, and try not to lose all the balls in the bushes. Recently I decided to go to one of the mini courses and just enjoy the sun. At some point the thought came up, “Is this appropriate for someone who’s un-homed?” it was like I was feeling guilty for not living according to the story in my life.

That notion really troubled me because it shows how deeply embedded these ideas can be. And in this case it was an idea about myself having to follow some script of what the un-homed/homeless life is supposed to include. I had to remind myself what I’ve written about all this time, and the rhetoric that I’ve argued against from the Governor’s plans.

In essence I’ve always written how unfortunate, and ultimately unhelpful, it is if we are relating to each other, and to ourselves, based on assumptions and expectations rather than looking closely at what is really there. The questions that arise from these aren’t always closely aligned with reality. And the notions that result from those questions can be extremely misleading. But once you’ve bumped into these notions enough times you have the capacity to change them. I know that once fully immersed in a life adrift and without anchor I’ve both disappointed and surprised myself. Though I feel confident in who I am, I’m not always certain who that is. Sometimes that can be a good thing and at times not so good. Sometimes it’s exhilarating to know that there is new life coming. Other times it’s daunting to feel simple inertia take over. Either way, at least I know it’s me I’m dealing with here.

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About the Author

  • Joe Bright
    Joe Bright
    Joe Bright is a graduate of Iolani School and went on to study art at The Cooper Union School of Art in New York City, and later Chinese medicine at The American College of Traditional Chinese Medicine in San Francisco. Joe currently runs a small acupuncture clinic, Kama’aina Acupuncture in Kapahulu as the first dedicated low-cost “community acupuncture” clinic in Honolulu. Joe has a varied background that has included working as a bicycle mechanic, freelance artist, teaching calligraphy and Tai Chi, a nanny, and even a CEO of a small entrepreneurial company. He continues to create art, even having work recently appear at the Honolulu Academy of Arts as well the Bishop Museum. He also continues with entrepreneurial projects when possible and serves on the Board of Directors for a local Buddhist meditation organization, Vipassana Hawai’i.
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