Un-Homed But Not Unhinged: I’ll Go Ahead and Say It…


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I don’t want to be un-homed anymore. It’s no longer just an emotional thing, but a simple certainty. Naturally this won’t be a casual 1-2-3 stepped process, but it has to happen somehow. 



There have been plenty of moments when I’ve grappled with the “identity” of being “un-homed.” I haven’t been immune to the inner stereotypes and feelings of shame that arise in weaker moments. In the stronger moments I’ve been able to accept the consequences of poor choices and see their temporary hold on my life. And in those more delusional moments I’ve imagined that this whole episode hasn’t really affected me; or at least not the core of “me.” 



I am certain that many years of meditation practice has fortified a mental foundation for me to deal with the rhythms of being un-homed. I’ve been able to see that there is a difference between my circumstances and my reactions to them. It doesn’t mean that there is no emotional impact when things go well or sour. It just means I try to process things as they’re coming along rather than run away and avoid them. It’s a small measure of help, but it definitely makes deep impacts on the psyche. 


Naturally some moments in this life are easier to deal with than others. For example, about every week, or two, Safeway must be rotating their bacon cooker.  Someone will put out soggy, under-cooked bacon for a while. Then it will be well-cooked to crispy for the next week or so. It’s definitely not a huge blow to absorb, but a bother all the same when you’re hungry and looking at unappetizing food.

Of course having a $35 shower is a bit lamer than soggy bacon in the morning. Such was the end result to my morning routine as I was slightly off in my timing at Kapiolani Park today. I might not be as bothered by it if the shower had at least been warm. But alas, this is how it goes being un-homed, and significantly more exposed to the world during what is normally a private function of life. I’m not sure if writing a letter would get them to dismiss it on grounds of mitigating circumstances: “Gee, your honor, I would have gotten back to my van on time but there was soap in my eyes.”



Lamer still are the larger issues in my life that aren’t predicated on being un-homed; namely filing bankruptcy from the collapse of my previous work I’ve mentioned. I tried to see if there were ways to avoid it, but it’s just an inevitability. Granted in this case being un-homed and the filing just happen to coincide and relate to each other out of mutual causes, but it’s lame none the less.

Most people see me as calm. But regardless of the calm many see, my restless side has won out more often than not. I suppose I’m fortunate enough that my handling of those restless moments didn’t lead to drug or alcohol addiction. There really wasn’t much chance that it would, but I can easily see how people turn to mind-numbing alternate realities.

For me it’s just that I’m ready for a new reality to settle in. it reminds me of an episode my dad told me about when he went through a transition. He described it as a sudden turning point and he didn’t look back. I hope I can have the same singular purpose that he had, and later on I’ll be able to describe the change as it happened to me. Meanwhile, I hope the holiday weekend doesn’t interrupt my shower needs too much. Aloha and Happy Fourth to everyone.

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About the Author

  • Joe Bright
    Joe Bright
    Joe Bright is a graduate of Iolani School and went on to study art at The Cooper Union School of Art in New York City, and later Chinese medicine at The American College of Traditional Chinese Medicine in San Francisco. Joe currently runs a small acupuncture clinic, Kama’aina Acupuncture in Kapahulu as the first dedicated low-cost “community acupuncture” clinic in Honolulu. Joe has a varied background that has included working as a bicycle mechanic, freelance artist, teaching calligraphy and Tai Chi, a nanny, and even a CEO of a small entrepreneurial company. He continues to create art, even having work recently appear at the Honolulu Academy of Arts as well the Bishop Museum. He also continues with entrepreneurial projects when possible and serves on the Board of Directors for a local Buddhist meditation organization, Vipassana Hawai’i.
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