Un-Homed But Not Unhinged: The Signs Say It All
As I鈥檝e mentioned I鈥檝e begun to start imagining living somewhere 鈥渉omed鈥 once again. There are a lot of issues wrapped into this and there have been some surprising emotions coming up at times. But none-the-less it feels like it needs to happen if I鈥檓 going to get things moving forward once again.
My way of approaching this shift includes writing a list of what I want in a place, including location, size, price, etc. It also includes perusing Craigslist and other listings to get used to the rhythms of how people are posting their rentals. For example if you watch the listings and something is appearing over and over, you know they鈥檙e having trouble renting it out for some reason. Or some property manager will type all their listings in capital letters. And if they have sketchy details, or reasonable rates, those capitals make it easier to catch sight of those ones.
After a couple of solid weeks doing this I can see many general patterns that add to my wondering where to go next. It seems most logical to consider a room in a shared house. But then for the price of that you can start to get a studio by yourself. But then you have the old hot plate and mini fridge setup. I haven鈥檛 had that setup since my twenties, and somehow I鈥檓 not sure if that would feel like a step forward.
Naturally the next level is to consider stretching and getting something significantly larger, like a one bedroom for slightly more money. It seems tempting, and given the general steadiness of business lately it seems doable.
But then suddenly the anticipation of bills stack up in the mind, and now I feel the pressure of something not felt for the last year: a certain weight of responsibility for living. This is both surprising and ironic since it鈥檚 not like I鈥檝e been without pressure while running my business through the ups and downs. In fact you might argue that I鈥檝e had more pressure doing this while life is so uncertain. But there it is; the unmistakable feeling in the chest of anxiety.
I do start to wonder if I鈥檓 being premature in any of this, and perhaps that is the reason for the anxiety. Certainly there will be some risk involved when so much time has passed without any financial cushion. And perhaps my eyes are bigger than my mouth is going to the buffet table.
Or I wonder if it鈥檚 just that natural fear when life is about to shift once again. I am feeling fairly confident at the moment, but then again I felt fairly confident at many moments just before things fell apart. So in any case I think it will be a leap of faith no matter how much preparation goes in. I will just keep looking and trying to move the energies in that direction with clear intentions. In other words I鈥檒l just keep doing the best I can.
Previous posts in this series:
- It Could Be Worse
- Why Would Anyone Do This?
- Under The Magnifying Glass
- Laundry Day
- Welcome Back
- My Life as a Pigeon
- Beginnings
- On the Road 鈥 But Not in Hawaii
- Cash Flow
- How Do You Spot An 鈥淯n-homed?”
- Nap Time On The Road
- A Funny Thing Happened…
- A Governor鈥檚 Decision
- Trying to Stay Clean
- Pity or Compassion
- Best Friends Forever鈥 or For a While
- Going with the Flow
- Milestones
- Anger Paralysis
- Timing Is Everything
- It’s All Relative
- Riding Heartbreak
- The Courage Needed
- Bartering Along
- Getting Swept Away鈥 Almost
- Neglect
- Small Measures of Success
- The Interior Life
- I Miss My Bed
- My Closet Has a Flat Tire
- Hopes and Dreams
- Homeless Are People, Too
- Full Monty or Not?
- Back Seat Office
- Staying Connected
- Those Small Indignities
- Putting Your Life in Storage
- One Step Forward, One Step Back
- Exciting New Career Opportunities
- End of the Day
- Solutions Wanted
- When to Hold On, Let Go?
- Location, location, location
- Range of Motion
- Food More Than Sustenance
- Figuring It All Out Someday
- Solitude
- The Good, The Bad
- From The Heart
- Does Anyone Really See Me?
- Keeping Perspective
- Showers at the Natatorium
- Achieving Homelessness
