Un-homed But Not Unhinged: Pity or Compassion

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Yesterday my friend鈥檚 three year old son passed away. It was a long bout with cancer that finally caught up with him.

Naturally I鈥檓 saddened by the news and my heart goes out to my friends. But it鈥檚 also calling up some things that I鈥檝e been pondering lately. It鈥檚 the difference between compassion and pity. Some of this can be issues of semantics but my gut tells me there are significantly different views.

My understanding to date is that pity carries a quality of regret underlying the concern. Any time there is regret there is a wish to change something; even something that is unchangeable. This seems to lead to deep dissatisfaction and anger. And if you鈥檝e ever watched people argue an issue out of a mind of anger you know they never resolve things well. Often I see people deal with homelessness out of this frame of mind.

Whereas compassion comes from a deep and pure wish for someone, or yourself, to be free of the suffering. You recognize the quality of suffering out of your own experience and that becomes the basis for offering it to someone else. At its best compassion has no strings attached to it. When coming from a state of compassion people can accept the circumstances a bit more readily and that is very potent. This is the lens through which I鈥檇 rather be seen as an un-homed person.

I can鈥檛 pity my friends for their suffering, because who am I to understand the karma of it all, or whatever heavens will might be. I just keep trying to remember the preciousness of each human life, and even the other lives around us. Even bugs are a life, no matter how icky.

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About the Author

  • Joe Bright
    Joe Bright
    Joe Bright is a graduate of Iolani School and went on to study art at The Cooper Union School of Art in New York City, and later Chinese medicine at The American College of Traditional Chinese Medicine in San Francisco. Joe currently runs a small acupuncture clinic, Kama鈥檃ina Acupuncture in Kapahulu as the first dedicated low-cost 鈥渃ommunity acupuncture鈥 clinic in Honolulu. Joe has a varied background that has included working as a bicycle mechanic, freelance artist, teaching calligraphy and Tai Chi, a nanny, and even a CEO of a small entrepreneurial company. He continues to create art, even having work recently appear at the Honolulu Academy of Arts as well the Bishop Museum. He also continues with entrepreneurial projects when possible and serves on the Board of Directors for a local Buddhist meditation organization, Vipassana Hawai鈥檌.
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