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Hand in hand they go: shame and anger, despair and anger, heartbreak and anger… You name it and anger is a willing participant in so many negative states of being. It is quite natural and many un-homed have every right to be angry at times. Already feeling displaced and then moved around like pawns without a king doesn’t help.

Sometimes the anger is outwardly projected, such as moments when you shake a fist at the world and ask “why?” But I think most times it’s just an expression of anger that is actually directed inwards, directed at some part of ourselves. We often know that deep down fault comes back to our own actions. How clearly we understand that all seems to hinge on what lens we’re looking through at that moment, and if we’re aware of the lens at all.

I’m not sure whether it’s important to know which arises first; such as anger or frustration with things. But anger is a huge emotion to deal with when you’re already on the edge. It doesn’t take much to go over that edge. Worst case scenario the pressure causes one to over-react and do something harmful. The challenge I see for many is to not simply check out through addictions or worse. Regrettably I do know of five who checked out for good last year, though fortunately none that were closest friends.

Sometimes my own level of crankiness goes up if I feel like I’m wasting my time. And for someone un-homed and trying to climb out of a hole time can feel like a precious commodity. Whether it’s in personal relationships or business dealings once the time meter is over-spent there is little to fall back on. I mean, you’re already living on the edge, so where else do you turn?

An example: I do some volunteer work for a non-profit. I’ve been doing it for a while now and felt it important work since there are local connections as well as some worthwhile international humanitarian work. Since I don’t have another spot for private matters when I’m not working I was sitting in the back of the van at the park on a conference call for the organization. Details are not necessary but to sum up I felt like I’ve been wasting my time and hung up from the call.

I won’t describe how angry I actually felt inside, but suffice to say that I felt the full force of self-directed pressure. I didn’t kick anything or break anything but I could feel it sapping my energy and affecting my health. Was it justifiable anger? Maybe. Does it matter that I feel cheated of time I could have been spending on other things? Definitely. Do I feel stuck with it for the time being? Unfortunately yes.

Multiply that feeling by a daily pressure of un-homed status and now you can see one glimpse of why most homeless aren’t chipper folks very often. They’re stuck and they know it. Heaven forbid that they are making positive progress to have it slip backwards on them. I know that feeling and don’t feel warm and fuzzy from it. With that in mind it makes it all the more remarkable when I have come across those that are not short of smiles and a kind outlook.

Previous posts in this series:

• Timing Is Everything
• It’s All Relative
• Riding Heartbreak
• The Courage Needed
• Bartering Along
• Getting Swept Away… Almost
• Neglect
• Small Measures of Success
• The Interior Life
• I Miss My Bed
• My Closet Has a Flat Tire
• Hopes and Dreams
• Homeless Are People, Too
• Full Monty or Not?
• Back Seat Office
• Staying Connected
• Those Small Indignities
• Putting Your Life in Storage
• One Step Forward, One Step Back
• Exciting New Career Opportunities
• End of the Day
• Solutions Wanted
• When to Hold On, Let Go?
• Location, location, location
• Range of Motion
• Food More Than Sustenance
• Figuring It All Out Someday
• Solitude
• The Good, The Bad
• From The Heart
• Does Anyone Really See Me?
• Keeping Perspective
• Showers at the Natatorium
• Achieving Homelessness