������Ƶ

There’s a fine line that I walk being in my small community and this wider forum of writing about my experiences. There is a lot of overlap but at the same time they don’t automatically collide. Although you could say that I am a central enough figure in some circles, it’s not like I have any celebrity from all of this.

So there are moments that I feel that being cautious with what I say is the smart thing to do. For example, there are plenty of times at the end of the day when an acupuncture patient will say: “I hope I didn’t keep you from getting home early.” I let them know that it’s not a problem. I just don’t say why it’s not a problem. They don’t need to know that I won’t be kicking my feet up on the coffee table watching TV for the evening.

Or the times when those who do know me well have more concern than is warranted. It’s not like I’m constantly wallowing in self pity; only sometimes. The rest of the time I’m pretty ok with it all.

So why any caution at all? I mean, I’m already writing for the web. I think it centers on this notion of connectivity. When I’m helping people through their own struggles and growth I represent a connection to stability. So I don’t want to undermine their perception or lose their trust in what abilities I can provide them even if my current circumstances are in flux.

If for some reason they do find out then it’s a different story. Then I need to make sure they don’t walk away with false perceptions about what is happening. Many times it can be turned into a lesson in patience. For me this is a lesson well practiced lately.

In the photo there is a small Bodhi tree growing from a crack in some stairs. This is the tree of enlightenment in Buddhism and no amount of concrete seems to halt it. In fact there are several that I’ve seen growing around town, one even on the freeway by McCully until it got trimmed back. To me it’s a small symbol to keep connected, or rooted, and patiently await the growth that comes eventually.

I suppose that what can be said or shown finds its own logic in my mind and those around me. Hmm, maybe the lesson is actually for me to open more to what is around me? I’ll have to ponder that one some more.

Previous posts in this series:

• Those Small Indignities
• Putting Your Life in Storage
• One Step Forward, One Step Back
• Exciting New Career Opportunities
• End of the Day
• Solutions Wanted
• When to Hold On, Let Go?
• Location, location, location
• Range of Motion
• Food More Than Sustenance
• Figuring It All Out Someday
• Solitude
• The Good, The Bad
• From The Heart
• Does Anyone Really See Me?
• Keeping Perspective
• Showers at the Natatorium
• Achieving Homelessness